I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
