I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize