loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
