i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
