The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
