Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
