the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
