I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
