shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
