I didn't shave. On purpose
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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