so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
