Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
And then he peed in my hair
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