whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
