apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
