Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
