I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
