Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
