Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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