we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
