Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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