All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
