I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
