I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
