we have officially lost it.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
