I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize