she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
No subtext here. People are naked.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
