No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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