Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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