I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
