Me. At least after what I've been through.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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