Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
