Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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