Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
