Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
