he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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