im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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