the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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