You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
