Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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