Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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