two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
