this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We talked him into tasing himself.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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