oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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