That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
