I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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