the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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