This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
