your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
