i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
