I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
