My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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