we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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