The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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