shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
