Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
