also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
