New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
