I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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