It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
