I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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