I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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