he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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