from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I am naked and annoyed.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He has the fingertips of a God
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