Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize