This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
