So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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