saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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