thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
