on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
